Am I Not Social Anymore?

PKtelling
4 min readJun 18, 2021

So everyone who ever met we will definitely tell you that I’m a social person and extrovert. Always in need of seeing people, being in public, having parties, or simply sitting down and having a chat. However, in the last couple of weeks that everything has been open after Corona restrictions, I realized: I choose to sit at home alone instead of going to the public. When before I was ever presented with this choice, I never chose to be alone, and especially at home. While now, I might call my parents or friends, but I will still be at home. Alone. So what has changed? And what does it actually mean to me?

As I mentioned before, I am indeed a social person who gets the energy from being with people and enjoying their company. Some may say that my choice of staying at home and calling family and friends can also be identified as socializing. I don’t see it that way. Indeed, during the corona times, calling people from home became one of the only forms of socializing we could have. However, in normal times that we are slowly returning to, socializing at this level was not socializing for me. I enjoy being with people, hanging out, and going anywhere, including organized parties. I mean, I’ve been studying Communication and Society, so it is obvious that I extremely enjoy events and people. However, not to that extent anymore.

Many might say that being alone is good, healthy. Nevertheless, it is very different for everyone. Before Corona, many people asked me why I don’t need the time alone to sit home and just be with myself. I always said, “I am fine and don’t feel like I need more time alone than I have.” I am quite self-aware of myself as a person and part of society. I am definitely that girl who is always happy, around people and energizes others (because it actually energizes me in return). Therefore, the time I had before bed, biking, or walking gave me more than enough time for myself to think, to dream, to plan. It’s been a year. Even a bit more. More than a year of mostly everything closed under corona restrictions. More than a year of being at home. More than a year of seeing a limited number of people. It’s been over a year at home, and now that everything opens, we are still at home. Apparently, this time was sufficient to change me. Or have I changed on my own?

I’ve heard from others that with time and age, we do change. Our interests, our surroundings, our personalities. You cannot stop it, and probably you shouldn’t even. Growing up, apparently, many people feel the need to be alone more, relax, enjoy “the silence.” Maybe this is something that is happening to me? Maybe I am simply growing up? However, then the main question remains: “Do I actually enjoy the time alone?”. My answer is rather no than yes.

When I choose to stay at home, sometimes the choice falls on some house chores, planning, personal development. But so much often, I choose in favor of stupid TV shows and movies. Not even a book or an educative film. What do I sacrifice? My social life. So I start to make excuses in my head for why I cannot go outside and just watch whatever I am watching that day. “Oh, I have to work”; “It’s too cold”; “It’s too warm”; “I have this and that to do.” Some of these can be more than valid, and it is sometimes healthy to just watch something stupid and relax. However, I’m still curious about why I do it and whether there is something I need to do to change it. But should I? Should I even spend my time thinking and writing about it? Probably not. Because whatever the reason was for this change, it happened. For the good or the bad? Well, I guess we’ll see.

So you got to the last paragraph of this weirdly long text. You are probably wondering what even the point of this blog post is and why I even wrote it (I know I am asking this myself). The answer is actually quite simple. I did indeed have or maybe at this point had a concern that I am not social anymore. I realized it during one of those times that I excused myself from going outside. I was sitting at home, watching some stupid movie, and realized that I need to think. I need to rediscover myself and who I have become since the last time I considered it (probably a year before that). So I grabbed my phone, my headphones, turned on Elton John, and you know what: I WENT OUTSIDE. So my concern of not being social actually led me to be more social. Ironic, isn’t it? Wait, I drifted away from what I was writing. Writing this text helped me understand myself and actually dive in even deeper to see what on earth is going on with me. Is there something I can recommend to others in similar situations? Probably not. Except for one thing.

Just be yourself: the old you, the new you, the future you.

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PKtelling

I write because I want to. I write what I want to. You don’t need to like it. I will still just write it.